The letters in “LGBTQ+”:
- L stands for Lesbian
- G stands for Gay
- B stands for Bisexual
- T stands for Transgender
- Q stands for Queer
- The + represents all other identities that are not covered by the previous letters
Sexuality
Sexuality, or sexual orientation, is a part of a person’s identity in relation relating to the gender or genders to which they are romantically and/or sexually attracted.
Gender
Gender is the social, behavioral, psychological, and cultural aspects of being a man, woman, or other gender identity. It can be expressed through how someone presents physically (such as hair, clothing, makeup, medical procedures, etc.), socially (pronouns, name change, language, social interaction, etc.), emotionally, and more.
What do gender and sexuality mean?
What do different sexualities mean?
There are many different sexualities and terms that folks use to describe their identities. Here are some of the most commonly heard sexualities, their meanings, and the flags that represent them.
Gay
A term often used to describe men who are romantically and/or sexually attracted to other men. It is also often used as an umbrella term for members of the LGBTQ+ community.
Lesbian
A term often used to describe women who are romantically and/or sexually attracted to other women. This term is also sometimes used by non-binary folks.
Bisexual
A term for someone who is romantically and/or sexually attracted to two or more genders.
Pansexual
A term used to describe someone whose attraction is not based of gender; rather on personality and characteristics of someone of any gender.
Asexual
A term for someone who experiences little-to-no sexual attraction, but may or may not still experience romantic attraction
What are pronouns?
Pronouns are words that we use to represent another nouns or proper nouns. We all use pronouns in our everyday vocabulary, sometimes without even realizing it. Pronouns are not always specifically about gender/identity. I/you/we/it/that are all pronouns as well.
The historically accepted social norm is to assume that someone with XX chromosomes would be referred to as ‘she’ and ‘her,’ and that someone with XY chromosomes would be referred to as ‘he’ and ‘him.’
Gender identity is not a reference to biological sex. Someone’s gender identity has to do with how they present, how they are perceived or want to be perceived, and traits associated with traditional gender norms.
Pronouns are important for many people, but especially for transgender and non-binary folks. For someone who was assigned female at birth, but realizes that he is more comfortable being seen as a man, being called she/her is frustrating, as it feels like he is being seen as different than he sees himself.
Not using the pronouns that someone says properly represent them is hurtful, as it feels as though other people see them as something other than what they are. Respecting someone’s identity and pronouns is an easy way to show them that you support and respect them.
How do you use gender pronouns?
The most commonly used pronouns are she/her, he/him, and they/them. Other folks may use other pronouns that they feel better represent them. Here are some examples of how to use singular gender pronouns:
He/Him/His
He went to school.
He forgot his lunch
His mom brought it to him.
She/Her/Hers
She left the jacket on the bench.
She went back to get her jacket.
Someone asked if the jacket was hers.
They/Them/Theirs
They like to eat ice cream.
Someone bought them an ice cream cone.
They enjoyed eating their ice cream.
Some people use multiple pronouns
People who use multiple pronouns may be okay with others using either pronoun or both interchangeably.
He/They
He grabbed their hat on the way out the door.
They talked to their friend. He was happy to see her.
She/They
She reached for the phone. The call was for them.
She ate their sandwich quickly.
He/She/They
She finally bought his own car.
He decided to take their new car for a drive.
Why is it important to use someone's pronouns?
- LGBTQ+ youth face a significantly higher rate of mental illness than their non-LGBTQ+ counterparts.
- Using the wrong pronouns can cause a great deal of daily stress for queer youth.
- The Trevor Project’s 2020 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health found that youth whose correct pronouns were used by most of the people in their lives faced half the rate of suicide as that of those who did not have that support.
Local Resources
- The Milwaukee LGBT Community Center
- Address: 315 W Court St, Milwaukee, WI 53212
- Phone: (414) 271-2656
- Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Commerce
- Address: 5027 W North Ave, Milwaukee, WI 53208
- Phone: (414) 678-9275
- Diverse & Resilient
- Address: 2439 N Holton St, Milwaukee, WI 53212
- Phone: (414) 390-0444
- PFLAG
- Multiple local locations and chapters
National Resources
The Trevor Project
- National suicide hotline that specializes in working with LGBTQ+ folks
- Phone: (212) 695-8650
- Available 24/7 – 365 days a year
National Suicide Hotline
- Available to anyone experiencing a mental health crisis, or assisting someone currently experiencing a mental health crisis.
- Phone: 988 (Call or Text)
- Available 24/7 – 365 days a year
Common Questions
Remind them that they are loved and thank them for telling you. When someone comes out, a common fear is that they will lose their loved ones. Reminding them that you are there for them and care about them no matter what can help ease that anxiety. If you have questions, ask if they are okay with you asking, and do your best not to ask anything too invasive if they say yes. They may need some time before they are willing to answer questions, as the experience of coming out can be very stressful for them.
It is okay to not immediately understand, as long as you make it clear that you are supportive of them. It is okay to ask questions, but remember that it is not their sole responsibility to teach you all about gender and/or sexuality. It may help to do some research on your own or to reach out to a local LGBTQ+ organization for help. Learning can take time, but remember that showing your support is most important.
Apologize, correct yourself, and move on. Making a big deal out of it or apologizing repeatedly may seem supportive, but it can actually make them feel embarrassed. It is best to keep it short. For example: “She went to the store… Sorry, I mean he went to the store and bought some bread.” Then, move on with the conversation. If the person gets upset, you can revisit it later in a 1 on 1 conversation and apologize further.
The Youth and Family Project offers support groups for LGBTQ+ youth, adults, and caregivers. Click here for more information.
Check out our Facebook page for our free youth events or 18+ events for LGBTQ+ folks and allies.
We also organize an annual pride celebration in Washington County with family friendly activities, food, live music, and resources.
Feel free to reach out to our main office line to be connected with more resources and support options.